2019 Mongol Derby: Fun Trumps

2019 Mongol Derby: Fun Trumps

Yes, yes longest horse race blah blah blah BUT this is basically a holiday and if riders don’t enjoy themselves it’s a rubbish way to spend a lot of money. Every year, I suspect, there are riders who don’t finish but have a brilliant time and riders who finish but have a miserable time (despite whatever they tell the world after they get home).

So what do these guys need to win the party, or at least be at the party? They don’t need to finish; short of real disaster there’s a party bus for the unlucky or fed up and all ex-Derbyists understand.

I guess Chief Kate Willings said it first and said it best: “don’t be a dick” and “everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth”.

Anyway, here are my non-negotiables:

- SENSE OF HUMOUR
This can take many forms, for many reasons. But it’s essential.

- GOOD MANNERS
Derbyists are the guests of Mongolian people, in Mongolia. They may be here for a spiritual connection with the land, their horses or just, y’know, that hot guy doing a great job with the tricky stallion at station 13 but if they do not treat their hosts with the respect they deserve for mounting & hosting stinking foreigners, they may discover a spiritual connection with the energy of Chinggis Khan. The crew pick these ones early, which won’t help them.

- UNSHAKEABLE LOVE AND RESPECT FOR THEIR HORSES
There is a special place in hell for Derbyists who do not treat the horses lent to them as if they are their own.

- GOOD SAMARITAN INSTINCT
The riders don’t need to babysit other competitors who aren’t coping, but they shouldn’t ride past someone lying on the steppe in a crumpled heap.

Nice-to-haves:
- ABILITY TO DRINK VAST QUANTITIES OF ALCOHOL
Extra points if you can drink Airag without wincing. Mega points if you enjoy it.
- FORESIGHT TO HAVE BROUGHT LOADS
OF CIGARETTES WITH YOU
- BEING GOOD IN THE SACK

I think the question of who will have a good time is more important than who will win. As Patrick Sells said to me last year: “what’s the point of winning if you don’t have anyone to celebrate with afterwards?” I have no idea who will manage it tho... feel free to fill me in below -->

*PHOTO CREDIT: I took this photo. Bonus points if you can spot the Derbyist.*