2019 Mongol Derby: What's the Worst that could Happen?

2019 Mongol Derby: what’s the worst that could happen?

*FOUR DAYS TO GO!*

When it comes to packing, one approach is to think of everything that could go wrong and try to think of a lightweight solution. It’s waaaaay too late for this year’s riders, but what does go wrong on the Derby and what can they do about it?

- your horse is a nutter/ douchebag/ bolter/ rodeo bronc
She’ll be right. Unless you incur a Terrible Injury, in which case see below.

- your horse is slow and shit
I have no words.

- you realise you’ve paid a huge sum of money to learn you’re actually quite frightened of horses and don’t like travelling at speed
Some people spend much more to come to the same conclusion a lot more slowly. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

- you don’t like the food
No-one cares. Pretend (convincingly) to like it. Someone went to a lot of trouble to make it for you.

- you forget you’re still in the world and that people can be dicks
Camping on your own is a risk, particularly if you’re a girl. Getting blind drunk with strangers, ditto. Take some common sense and go with your own risk appetite.

- horse is lost
Horse bucks you off and you forget to hang on to it. There is nothing you can bring that will help with this. In fact, the less you have in your saddle bag the better, because there’s a decent chance you’ll never see it again.

- you and your horse fall in a bog
You’re an idiot. Nothing will help you.

- your horse puts a foot in a marmot hole and flips head over heels
Rotten luck. Could have happened to anyone. If you incur a minor injury or a Terrible Injury, see below.

- you get lost
You’re an idiot. Nothing will help you.

- you drop your GPS in the long drop
Why? How? Retrieve. Deploy hand sanitizer.

- you get sick. Really sick. Everywhere
Nearly everyone comes down with some sort of stomach horror. Possible antidotes include loperamide, hand wash, an iron stomach and if in doubt burn the evil out with Chinggis. Try to avoid your horse/ gear while hurling, otherwise do what you can.

- heat stroke
Keep hydrated. Hydration tablets, sunscreen & long sleeves should help.

- hypothermia
I have no idea what helps this if you want to continue. Hopefully you haven’t been horrendously rude to the medics.

- minor injury
Either ride on or, if you’ve had enough, quit. Do not under any circumstances drag your heels and whinge or worse, bother the medics constantly. Medical supplies are arguably your friend here, but be very very wary of strapping chafing...

- Terrible Injury (broken neck/ back/ important bone/ extreme chafe)
No shame in this. Join the party bus if at all possible.

- terrible but memorable injury like, oh I don’t know, you wrap the reins around your thumb and attempt a flying dismount from your feral horse, who shits himself and takes off taking your thumb with him
Congratulations! You are a derby legend.

- you realise your horse isn’t right part of the way through a leg
Dismount. Walk him in. Rotten luck.

- your bags don’t arrive in UB
Finish the race in borrowed kit with a smile on your face.

Go on Derbyists. I know this is something you love to reminisce about: what was the worst thing that happened to you (or that you’ve heard of happening) on the Derby?

Worst/ best story wins today!

*PHOTO CREDIT: another mystery. Let me know if it was you so I can credit you.*